Regina Gershman Image Consultant

Changing Rules

As our society changes, the accepted rules of behaviour change as well.  We may find ourselves in transition between the "old school of etiquette" and the new.  When we are aware of our social environment, we can tailor our behaviour according to the current accepted standards.  Good manners requires that we show consideration for others.

Definitions:

1.  Etiquette - Etiquette is the codes of rules governing social or diplomatic communication.

2.  Manners - Manners are ways of behaviour with reference to polite standards that are awknowledged in today's society.

3. Civility - Civility is defined as politeness and courtesy with one another whether it's in a corporate environment or social setting.

4.  Diplomacy - Diplomacy is the skill in effectively dealing with people in a calm and tactful manner.

Greetings:

1.  When shaking hands, make eye contact and repeat the person's name in the greetings. 

2.  Stand up when a guest enters your office and when someone greets you in a restaurant.

3. If social kissing"European style" is the form where you offer your right cheek first and then the left.

1.  Appreciate compliments and accept them graciously with "Thank You".

2. Avoid responding with a negative that invalidates the person's compliment.

3. Be sincere when paying a compliment because people can detect insincerity.

Manners: DON'T do the following:

1. Chew gum in public

2. Bite your nails

3. Wear too much fragrance

4. Dress inappropriately

5. Drink to excess

6. Make bodily noises

7. Use a cell phone at your restaurant table

8. Groom yourself in public

Business Etiquette

Good Manners:

1.  Shake hands firmly while making eye contact.

2.  Dress and behave professionally.

3.  Be on time for appointments.

4.  Prepare for each appointment and bring appropriate materials.

5.  Turn off the cell phones and pagers while in a meeting.

6.  Respect your clients' and colleagues' time

7. Turn problems into opportunities and be solution-oriented.

Bad Manners:

1. Touch another person inappropriately.

2. Ask inappropriate personal questions.

3. Create too many distractions in a meeting.

4. Make personal calls from a business location.

5. Speak agressively by criticizing, condemning or complaining.

6. Gossip or talk about the affairs of others within the company.

Conversation Mistakes:

1. Correct someone's etiquette.

2. Gossip, boast, swear, belittle, degrade someone.

3. Talk about how much something costs or how much money you make.

4. Interrogate people for any reason.

5. Offer an opinion on the personal appearance of a person in your presence. 

6. Referring to female colleagues in a derogatory manner (eg. honey, babe, sweetie) is considered sexual harassment.

Dating Etiquette

1. Be specific to the event and date of the invitation.  Issue the invitation at least 3 days in advance of the date.

2. On the first date, the person who initiates the invitation is the one who pays for the date.

3. In an ongoing dating relationship, the couple can split the cost of the dates in whatever manner they choose.

4. If the invitation is worded "may I take you out", it indicates the person asking intends to pay.  However, if the invitation is worded "let's go out", it indicates that both partners will be paying.

Traditional Gender Roles

1. The man walks on the outside next to the street to protect the woman from being splashed. 

2. The man walks on the inside to prevent the woman from being mugged.

3. The woman precedes the man through the doorway.  Men precede women through revolving doors, down stairs, onto a boat and off a bus.

4.  Men open car doors for women and assist them in getting in and out of the vehicle.

5. Men give up their seat so that a woman, especially a pregant woman may sit down.

6. If you are not interested in a relationship with that person, say "No, thank you".

7. If the other person indicates they are not interested or is not returning your calls, then withdraw gracefully.